Mummy Talks #3

 

Stress = School Uniform Shopping!

 

It’s the last day of the holidays, minus the weekend of course!

I’m totally shocked how fast this summer has gone but I guess I shouldn’t be as we say it every year don’t we!

So today I had to take the eldest daughter to the town to get her school uniform changed as she goes into year 11 and needs a new ‘special’ polo shirt. It’s royal blue! It’s bright! It’s bold! It’s not her colour! That’s great as all the other children will know who the year 11’s are as it makes them stand right out! She wasn’t happy of course … bright blue is not the best colour for a summer child to wear … house of Colour tells her so!

So going back to the start of the day … It’s been eventful by the way … not a normal day! A bit stressful in fact! Well not for any normal person but for me … an anxiety sufferer … it’s been a right shit morning!

7.00am – The alarm went off! GREAT! I really should have turned that off last night as I had no children coming to play today so why would I not turn it off! It’s probably going to be my last lay in for a while … I lean over and fumble for the off button in my very sleepy state … that’s the answer to that!

7.10am – BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!! Really? They should make a snooze button way bigger and the other side of the row of buttons! Well, there’s no way I’m going to snooze back off now so I get up and wake up the living dead! Namely, my 15-year-old teenager… you know the one! … the one who knows everything and much better than me, her mother! I can hear the toddler is already awake playing and talking to herself … I think she gets that from me.

7.30am – The doorbell goes and it’s the ‘Tumble Dryer Guy! … Shit! I totally forgot he was coming … The Hotpoint people booked this in in March! No wonder I forgot and also … I didn’t flip the calendar yet to September … Oops! I better also checks whose birthdays I missed … I’m always forgetting! After emptying the utility room, taken the dog crate into the front room after getting it attached on the door handle and having to wrestle it free with a bit of help from the teenager I make him a tea.

8.00am – After a brief chat in my very unflattering PJ’s … not that I’m trying to impress the balding, chubby guy in his late 60’s, Actually I’m not even sure he should still be working  …  I go up to finish getting dressed … toddler in tow plus the puppy!

8.30am – I had to hurry to get ready as the stroppy teenager couldn’t go downstairs and wait with the dog who has been barking at the poor guy for most of the time he has been here. I also found that having a puppy running around your feet while you have your damn hair straighteners in your hand is not a great idea!

9.00am – The guy has gone after somehow selling me a £15 product I apparently ‘absolutely’ need! Do I though? Really? …I should never have mentioned my stinky washing machine! It’s because I use liquid tabs instead of the itchy powder! Something to do with enzymes for slime?  … It’s lethal isn’t it to ask a repair man who came for free to mend the fire box … (the Hotpoint dryers that are catching fire because the lazy owners can’t clear a bit of fluff!)  So now I’ve just spent my money that was saved for a Costa Coffee on friggin de-scaler! Nice up sale though mate! High Five!

9.05am – Giving my daughter her due she was ready to leave at 9 am! This is rare! She normally always takes longer when I tell her we have to leave at a certain time .. just for the sake of making me yell! Yell so loud the neighbours shut their windows! Well, I make her wait! Like she makes me wait!! all the time! Haha!! Payback Darling!! … I finish watching Eastenders while I drink my Mocha! … Really what I should have done was waiting and watched it tonight … she basically told me what happened by saying … “Mum, what would happen if there was incest in Eastenders?” … I stare at her after pressing pause I look at her for a few moments …  “Really? You’re quite obviously telling me Mark and Courtney get it on aren’t yah!  …Get your sister in the car, let’s go!” … A few seconds later she laughs! (Who’s the parent here?)

9.07am – Do you ever forget to charge your phone? Yes? I do it all the time! We sit in the car while I wait for it to charge enough to put Google Maps on … I’m going to a town I haven’t been to before … The stress levels are already sky high! I’ve not even got my car in drive yet!

9.15am – We have left! Woohoo! I’m driving down the road bloody stressing the F*** out because I can’t get the Google guy to pick up my GPS signal! I just have to drive and hope I’m going in the right direction! It’s not even like it’s far away … It’s just a town I’ve never needed to go to before … It’s only a 30-minute drive but the stress levels of endorphins and adrenaline that seems to overwhelm me are enough for most peoples heart to stop! (Talking about hearts stopping …

(Talking about hearts stopping … That’s a whole other story! I will tell you about that another day!)

10.10am – So on the drive there we managed to go the wrong way twice because the person behind me was so far up my bloody back side it felt like I had suppository up there! When I slowed down to 35 on a 60 mile an hour road he finally got the message and overtook me … You would have thought the indicating left on a straight road with no turnings was enough but no! Bloody Yuppy in his BMW!

Once I’ve had a few tears because there is nowhere to park, screamed and hit the horn a couple of times at people pulling out in front of me we finally manage to find a car park and actually pleased to say for FREE! That’s rare, isn’t it! The County Council are normally right tight b******’s!

10.25am – I get into the queue of the ridiculously small shop that sells, dance wear, sportswear and school uniform for what must be a million schools according to all the crammed in racks. I get to the front after being rammed in the heels several times by a buggy driven by a 3-year-old with no sense of direction.

Me: “Hi. I’d like to change these two polo shirts please for a small as we brought the wrong size”

The lady grimaces and runs her hand through her hair. She looks like her day has been about as good as mine. To be fair, working in a school uniform shop which is likely to be accompanied by hundreds of stressed out parents and little children who are most likely to be hyper after all the e-numbers they have bribed their children with for them to ‘Please behave!’

“I’m sorry … but we can’t exchange them I’m afraid. It does say on our website that they come up very big and because they are custom made to order we suggest you measure accurately before ordering.”

I just stared at her with my mouth open! The poor woman must have been counting my fillings during the time it took for me to answer!

Me: “Oh … well, we were away when I ordered them, we were in our caravan in a field and I didn’t have a tape measure” … This is true by the way. We did guess the size to be fair but I obviously wasn’t going to tell her that! “We chose the medium because she had the small last year and they shrunk in the wash.” … Little white lie just for effect!

“Well, you are tiny darling so the small would probably be too big anyway. Do you have your receipt?”

Me: “Er … no”

“Okay, well we will exchange them just this once! Someone has just returned theirs because they were too small, but we only have them in extra small.”

Well, it will be just this once, won’t it! She leaves school next year!

So, in the end, I managed to get them exchanged but without getting a refund for the difference because it was my own fault that I ordered the wrong size and I did leave it very late as school starts back on Monday! Does she not think I don’t know that? It’s not actually my fault though to be fair. The first two weeks of the holiday we were in Cornwall. The day after we got home Daughter was picked up by her dad and she went to Kent for 3 weeks. When she got back, we were away in the caravan and I was working all this week!

The afternoon also saw stress as we shopped in ‘Primarni’ for school trousers and shoes. Toddler stole a dog from Claire accessories so the good Mummy I take it back and then proceeded to make daughter cry because I wouldn’t pay £7 for it! Then, as we left the car-park I drove up to the barrier and realised I’d forgot to pay! Yes! I was the woman who is sat at the barrier causing a long queue behind me causing everyone to try out their car horn! Just to check it works! Luckily I managed to get the guy behind the magic button to let me through for free! Bonus … I might try that again next time!

It’s all done now and I’m sat at home with my Mocha in hand, I’m now calm! I’m looking back on the day and thinking I should have taken my Royal Gelly and I really should have known the weekend before schools go back would be stressful!

Lesson learnt!