I started blogging at WordPress after my holiday to Cornwall and became inspired to become a writer. I then found and undertook the courses offered by Blogging University. I started three courses but got so involved in the daily post and messaging new bloggers and interacting with others that I didn’t complete my courses!
Shame on me I know but I’m back and hoping to get back on it now with the next activity! One word inspiration chosen from a section of words. Here is mine!
I’m a 15 year old child behaving like an adult. I shouldn’t do these things, I’m not mature nor old enough to understand the feelings. Is it right I feel exhilarated that I have kissed a man? Do I feel regret that I will never see this man again? He made me feel older than my years. Wanted and I felt needed. He said he was 24. He was just there at the right time when my friend walked off with a guy. I told her not to go but she went anyway. I’m now alone walking in the cold and dark to get a taxi.
Earlier that night …
This guy saw me, standing at the bar waiting to get a drink. He kindly ordered me a Bacardi and Coke. My Mum told me to “Stay safe Darling.” Mum thought I was staying at my friends house. She would never let me go to nightclub. I think back to her words and push them to the back of my mind. Am I safe with this man? I ignore the warnings popping into my mind and start chatting to this guy who says his name is Dave. He seems kind and asks me the normal chit chat, asking where I’m from, where I work and the naive me, trustingly tells him. My mind is telling me to shut up! The feelings of warmth and excitement run through my body as I talk to him. He stands so close to my face I can feel his breath on my cheek as he shouts over the music that I’m pretty and I have nice eyes. … I’m not sure about this but I thank him. We try to talk about mundane things as we get to know each other a little. As I look at him, he is quite good looking, he is tall with dark hair and brown eyes. He is very charming and smiles as I answer his questions.
We dance to ‘Jump Around’ My favourite song at the moment where you can let go and shake off all the worries away with the music and just feel free. We dance for a while to other songs including “Killer, Sweet Child of Mine and Sugar and Spice”. After a while we go and get another drink but the music is so loud that I can’t hear what he is saying? He smells nice I think to myself … A strong aftershave that smells fresh.
He takes my hand and leads me to the front door to talk outside where it is quieter. I say to him, “I couldn’t really hear what you were saying! It was so loud in there!” He takes my hand again and walks over the the carpark with a smile and leads me to an undercover area where we can’t be seen. My heart is racing as I realise how alone and vulnrable I am with this strange but handsome guy … I tell him it’s dark here and I think we should go back in … This man is an adult … I know this is wrong but curiosity tells me I should just see what he has to say. I ask him what he was saying? He just smiles and leans in to kiss me .. I pull back and say “Wait .. what are you doing?” He says ‘Kiss me! .. I said kiss me’ I try to relax a little, I was feeling curious to know what it feels like to kiss a man! The only people I’ve kissed are a couple of boys … No experience and far too eager. So, I lean in and kiss him back but I’m consumed by his wide open wet mouth all over me! This is not a nice kiss at all! Not at all what I was imaginaing. I thought grown ups were considerate, passionate and gentle when they kiss. It feels like he is going make me gag as he shoves his tongue in my mouth! I pull back! I grab his hand and smile at him to distract what is happening and pull him back toward the nightclub where I felt safer. He follows but I can tell he is angry and frustrated. We go back inside and he says he will be back in a minute. I watch as he walks away. I wait a few minutes but he doesn’t return. I’m relieved as I think of what could have happened but i also feel very grown up as I remember his kiss. I know that things could have got out of hand and I could have done something I would really regret. It may not have gone the way I wanted or even worse!
Regret or Mistake?
After I look around the club for my friend I realise she must have left as I can’t see her anywhere. I walk around once more and find her talking to her ‘boyfriend’. I tell her I’ve decided to go home. I’m just not really enjoying myself. I walk to the door with a smile on my face but inside I feel I’ve let my Mum down. She would be so disappointed in me.
In the cold of the night, I wander home. To the place where I feel safe. I then think about the past couple of hours and open my mind to the regret I feel. I run things through in my mind as I think what may have happened. What would I have done then? The moment with this man was only a few kisses in the dark. What if he had more in mind. He was an adult after all. I read I the paper last week about a girl who went out and I feel lucky as I realise I had a lucky escape!