It began when I went to bed. I had just finished a long stretch of writing for my book and realised it was gone midnight and knew I needed to get up early. This is normally where my problem starts. I’m not good at going to bed and I’m really bad at waking up in the morning. When I’m tired my mind plays tricks o me.Having anxiety also doesn’t help.
Deciding I was too tired to write anymore, I pack up the MacBook, I shut off the lights in my hallway and glanced at the glass-fronted front door. This in itself was my first mistake. I will advise you to never, ever, look out of the window as you’re getting ready to go to bed. Especially when there are no curtains. I mean this when I say that I scare myself. I’d just finished writing a particularly hard chapter in my book, without giving it away, a knife was involved. I sharp knife, I’m sure I need say no more. Well, I stood with forefinger paused on the light switch, bracing myself for the long run up the stairs… I liked from the front door to the stairs… I flicked the light switch and bolted up the stairs. I always have that feeling of being watched and tonight was no exception. Do you get that? You ‘feel’ a strong presence in the room and think someone is there. It’s watching you, through the window, from the dark outside. Don’t think about it just turn and run!
Tired legs that barely hold me up, or comfortably carry me up the stairs ache as I reach the top where the safety is. Before going to bed, I walk to the bathroom clutching my chest as my heart threatens to beat outside my chest and brush my teeth. As I write this I am now realising how many windows in my house have no curtains. I really need to fix that!
I go to bed and spray my pillow with the lavender mist. Settle into bed and think of my partner, Phil. He is working away in Bristol this week so I’m already feeling a little nervous in the house on my own with just the children who I need to keep safe. Really? I guess I could set the little toddler on any burglar. I’m pretty sure she is braver than me and she can be pretty intense and scary at times!
I lay in bed as I feel myself drifting off to sleep and think of my accomplishments from the two chapters I have finished and think of the progress I’ve made as I’m falling asleep. I realise I can officially call myself a writer. I’m writing so that passes as a writer. I may not yet be a published author. Anyway, I’m drifting off to sleep. I’m relaxed and asleep dreaming of how my life may change once I publish my book. The kind of thoughts when you want to turn your life around for you and your family. You have doubts but keep pushing forward because until the book is written, it can’t be published. I think of publishing deals and meeting other fellow authors. I’m comfortable and snuggled into the warm quilt… ice and relaxed as I drift off to sleep… or so I thought.
Do you ever get that leg kick in bed when you’re falling out of a plane, or slip off the curb. Yes? Well, that! That is what I experienced yet I was just stabbed. Repeatedly with a kitchen knife as I run up the stairs in my house and as I woke from the nightmare I realised that there is a shadow in my bedroom in the corner that is the shape of a tall man. I’m under the cover at this point crapping myself, heart palpitating and I’m screaming at my teenage daughter comes in the room. Se sleeps in my bed that night because I was too scared to sleep alone.
Moral of the story is. NEVER look out the window into the dark as you go to bed.
It will turn you into a quivering wreck who has to be saved by your teenage daughter that is quite obviously braver than you!