The Silent Destroyer!

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I went through a period of my life a few years ago where I got totally sucked in! Sucked into the life of gossip! Something I never was or had been but something I had become.

‘Don’t be a Bitch Witch’ … It’s a saying that I’ve used in recent months where I look back to times where I got sucked into a comedy coven of hatred!

How did I get sucked in? … I was working in a lonely job, you make a friend and they become a saviour to your life and suddenly your good friends! You make a friend through work, at the gym and the good ole’ mummy friends.

The gossiping became a slow progression from the odd comment of something you had heard and passed on to a  couple of years later and you’re a totally different person you once was. This is where you take a step back. Once you realised after a few weeks that you are no long the person you were,  you do the drastic thing of separating yourself from that life.

I’ve always been a kind, generous person and all always help people but when I stepped back I saw so many things I didn’t like and ways in which I was used and treated that you kind of feel detached from it. Like it wasn’t you it happened to. Some people can become so disallusioned that they don’t even realise they are the person that made you who you are today. Realise it and do something. Don’t be the person that is always taken from but when you need someone to be there for you, your left on your own. This was the heartbreaking thing for me. That I was always there for others but they were there when I really needed them. One friend was and I am very grateful for her friendship at the time.

It’s a case of ‘I’m the person you can take advantage of! Here is a list of ways to abuse me!’

  1. When I offer my help out of the kindness of my heart, take it and abuse it! But don’t forget to NOT say thanks!
  2. When I offer to have your child overnight … Make sure you take your time collecting them in the morning! I will get up ready for 9am but of course I don’t mind waiting in until 12 o’clock, cancel my plans and rearrange when you will do it again!
  3. When I come over to visit, make sure you interrupt me when I open my heart with things I need to get off my chest! It’s fine to talk over me too! Thats a new ‘thing’.
  4. When you need help with something, call me! You know I will do it for free!
  5. Don’t forget you have certain friends for certain things! The festival friend, The cinema friend, the workout buddy, the take away friend you wouldn’t be seen out with and of course the friend you can take the piss out off and laugh at who will laugh at herself with you!
  6. Don’t forget to bark on about the fat friend that makes you look skinny!

How did I not see what i was turning into?  The fact is you don’t see until your connection with that person is broken. It’s not that I was desperate for friends because I wasn’t. I have plenty of friends who I’m close to who even after years of not seeing them are still there as if time was frozen! I much prefer to circulate in small groups but there are always those people who give off  a persona that people want to like and once your sucked in you don’t see it.

After the ‘separation’ due to health issues you then go through the whole drama of the gossiping about you. You find out people have assumed you have fallen out, not talking or don’t meet up anymore when in fact it is probably that due to health reasons it wasn’t possible to meet in those situations any more.

These people then assume your avoiding them when in fact it’s just life or your health has changed. The way people treat you most certainly affects the way you deal with day to day life. Everything changes when your health deteriorates. Everything becomes much harder and when your friends are not there, it hurts! The friends you once had now become acquaintances or someone you once knew. They ‘think’ they know why you no longer meet up but never actually ask why. They discuss and make up their own minds for themselves without actually doing the decent thing and ask. If you are in this position and have a friend who has become distant, do the right thing and ask. You never know what personal demons someone is dealing with that can change the way they interact with people.

My advice to you! If you feel uncomfortable by something a friend says and your not in a position to tell them the truth without them totally flipping on you, don’t tell them! Don’t tell them personal details of your life! Share less and don’t tell them things you wouldn’t want your enemy knowing … you can sure as hell guarantee they will break your confidence!

Then there are the friends who make you see sense, they are the ones that are there when you need them. They are there when you are at your lowest point with anxiety and health problems. They are the ones to trust!

So what is the silent destroyer? It is ‘The untold truth!’

Madison

The Fiction Cafe Book Club

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The Fiction Café Facebook Group

I started writing my novel after my holiday to Cornwall in the summer of 2016. I read during some of the ‘research’ into becoming a writer that to be a good writer you need to read more in the genre you intend to write in.

I did what any other writer with no time does and created a Facebook group for other Coffee lovers and bookworms!

It is a very new, relaxed group where we share our love for coffee and books! (…and other hot beverages!)
We will be sharing our favourite books, you can post questions, ask for recommendations and discuss and review books that you have finished.
We will be hosting Reading Challenges throughout the year and events will be organised where the challenges can be discussed.

If you have any ideas for the group feel free to contact an admin.
We are a new group still finding our feet!
Please come and support us at The Fiction Café

Madison

Daily Prompt – Marathon

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I try to pry my eyes open while the persistent ringing throws echoes into my ears making my head hurt. I open my eyes enough to flail my arm at the snooze button. I know I need to get out of bed straight away this morning but it’s not very inspiring when I can hear the rain splashing against the window pane. It sound like a waterfall and realise the guttering still needs to be cleared. Instead of getting up, I wrap the quilt tightly around me to grasp sleep again and to reclaim the warmth lost after the cold air rushed through the quilt. I snuggle into the pillow and try to drop back off and make the most of the next 9 minutes.

I ponder why the snooze button was even invented… its just an unnecessary button. There to tease parents into insecurity… I should just set the alarm ten minutes later and not torture myself with the sound. If it were never invented people would be up in time for work and not desperately try to cling on to the last few minutes of quiet bliss. I sigh as I remember, the floorboards will creak, activating the wooden alarm which will no doubt awaken the little ones who are always too keen to get out of bed…

I fling back the covers and press off on the alarm. Its time for the marathon task of the school run!

via Daily Prompt: Marathon

A New Year!

 

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I will apologise for the lack of presence on my blog… Its because NaNoWriMo happened and then Christmas. It’s unfortunate that they fell at the same time and I decided that with so much ‘stuff’ going around in my brain I couldn’t cope with all of them occupying it at the same time. I need a break frankly from the PC. It’s technology that I dislike but in the modern world it is essential. Well I had a break … of two months and it probably was a lot longer than I anticipated and life just gets in the way!

I am now back and will be posting regularly once again!

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I know I’m two weeks late with greetings but it would-be rude of me not to ask!

My holidays were eventful and they were very busy! Normally Christmas and New Year is filled with many pyjama days wrapped in quilts, coffee in hand and tins of chocolates surrounding us with Netflix marathons galore but this year although this year I had only two lounge around days!

We were happily engaged with celebrations galore! Four Christmas dinners later and many family members competing for title of ‘The Winners’ while playing women versus men, Best of British, Smart Ass and Articulate the men winning as normal … it was pretty fun and the wine flowed!

We hosted New Year’s Eve too. The house was full of family from both our sides  and an emotional realisation that it was the first time we were all in one room together since my Mum passed away in 2007. It was lovely to spend time with my family, something that we don’t do very often and even though we say we must meet up more, life becomes busy and it never happens. A few tears were wiped away and family photographs were taken to remember the occasion which probably won’t happen for a few more years to come.

We all saw the clock strike twelve as fireworks lit up London’s skies … we were viewing via BBC… we saw in New Year. We half sang and half hummed along to ‘Auld Lang Syne’ and pretended to know the words … of course only half of us did so just made the movement of lips to pretend!

Memories were made and was a fabulous holiday period. Celebrations are finished for now but there is a lot to look forward to this year too!

I’m back and can’t wait to get back into routine!

 

Madison!

 

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Happy Thanksgiving to all my  friends over the pond.

I’ve woken up today in a happy mood. Whether that is because I slept well or if it’s because i hit 29’000 word count for my novel, I’m not sure. What I am sure about is that I have a lot to be thank for. When it comes to life we have to be thankful to have our family and friends, a career that makes money to keep a roof over our heads and our health. we are alive so embrace it!

Here are my Top 5 things that today I am grateful for …

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Firstly, I am thankful for waking up this morning! We come across so many people through our lives who lose loved ones. So many of us have health problems or to daily issues to deal with in our lives that sometimes we forget the most important thing of all and thats that we are alive!

Today marks fifteen years since I lost my Dad to illness. He is always in my thoughts but today I am thankful for the memories I have of my parents.

 

 

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I am thankful for my health. My health isn’t the greatest to be honest. I struggle everyday with small tasks from drying my hair to walking up stairs. By allowing time to get ready in the morning and to work through the tasks of each day I am still thankful because my health could be worse! For now it is manageable.

 

 

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I’m thankful for my family and children. They are my world! They are always there when I need cheering up and to see their little faces smiling at me could warm a million hearts!

They are my little life angels to carry me. I love them with all my heart as I do my partner. Without them I wouldn’t be where I am today.

 

 

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I’m thankful for being able to read and write. This might seem like an odd thing to list as one of my five things to be grateful for but without these two very important things I wouldn’t be right here now writing this blog! I’m writing my first novel and without reading I wouldn’t know how to do that!

In a few months time you will hopefully be reading it!

 

 

 

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I’m thankful for coffee!

Well, Quite frankly … How would I get through the day without it?

Coffee is just Love in a mug!

….Unless of course you drink tea!

 

 

I challenge you to list your top five things your grateful for!

NaNoWriMo | Halfway There!

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This month has been a challenge to say the least. With my novel slowly taking shape and new plot twists are in abundance, I’ve realised how very unprepared I was for this month. The plan I had in place for what I would write was probably a waste of time as all the planning, plots and research I did have been abandoned as my characters have totally changed the route of the story. Where my main character was a good girl, she no longer is. She isn’t the little good girl I had hoped her to be but is in fact a real badass!

I like where my story is going … I still have a word count to work on as I’m not as far along as I would like but the hope of a day to write tomorrow looms and I will catch up and be on target!

For now my fellow Nano Friends!

Keep Calm and Write on ….

NaNoWriMo | November is the Start of Something Big!

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November is National Novel Writing Month. I decided to write a book a little over three months ago and have thrown myself into the world of writers and authors full on and at full speed. It is something I have always wanted to do but never felt the confidence to be able to go ahead and chase the dream.The inspirational time came when I was sat talking to my daughter in a launderette while folding our summer clothes on holiday in Cornwall. I told her that I wanted to write a book. She looked at me with a frown and puzzled look. “You have never wanted to do that”. Well, actually she was wrong. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do but never looked into it. The fact that I had spoken about this dream out loud was the stepping stone I needed to do it. I can’t tell someone I want to do it and not even attempt to go for it.

Once we arrived home from our holiday I opened an account with WordPress and started this blog which was the first stepping stone to start a dream!

Fast forward three months and we are the start of NaNoWriMo.  I’m on day 4 of what will be a crazy, busy, stressful month of sitting at my laptop writing the transcript for my first book ‘Forgotten Memories’ It has been pretty smooth going so far. I’ve hit my goals each day for my word counts and I’m actually feeling it’s going pretty smoothly! I am fitting in a couple of hours a day and slowly chipping away at a 50’000 word novel as I shovel sand into a box to build sandcastles later once I edit. (I love that quote!) In fact I have totally smashed my word counts! At this rate I will be writing an 80’000 word novel!

It’s exciting! Im actually writing! I feel I’m doing well and I have three people who will be offering critique once the first draft is written and edited.

So anyone reading this who thinks they want to write a novel, DO IT! I wish I had started years ago and hadn’t waited so long to follow a dream!

Tell me about your NaNo journey and your dreams!

 

Madison Ward!