Mummy Talks #4 – Daddy’s Birthday!



Tomorrow is my partners birthday so as is customary in our house the children always make a birthday cake. They love the whole messiness of cooking and the licking of the bowl just like all other children. My children have strong stomachs so raw egg here is a  weekly treat!

The first batch of cupcakes went into the oven came out over cooked which resulted in them being in the bin. There is nothing worse than expecting a lovely fluffy cupcake and ending up with a mouth full of chewy biscuit! … If only they were taken out by oldest daughter after two minutes as I asked. The distraction of son being picked up by daddy for football and I was talking to him, it was too much to ask the child to do that for me right?

The fact that we have family coming over this afternoon for a family games night is obviously pressuring at the back of mind that we need to be tidied up cleaned, hoovered and be ready to present a beautiful chocolate cake to daddy once he arrives home from work at 5 pm. The nice tidy front room that was painlessly tidied and cleaned last hit that now looks like a tornado has flown through for a visit!

Not only that but an optician appointment for the daughter to be told as I know will happen “How often do you still wear your glasses, Bethany?” The child who is a teenager and full of righteous emotions tell me that she can see better without them. The same glasses that are correcting her 40-year-old eyes! She is 15 in case you wondered. Apparently, the whole new age of iPads, phones and the need for kids to have gadgets tied to their faces has caused the world’s children and teenagers to have an increase of glasses needed. Another reason I really hate gadgets… ask Max! He will tell you how much I hate electronic toys! They have their place I know but really? They need to be attached once you roll out of bed and fall asleep with them still attached to your ears?

So while I’m waiting for cupcakes to now cook… (second batch) and the icing on birthday cake and the little cupcakes to go with them which will be decorated by the children, I am updating all you Mums out there who are also pulling your hair out getting cakes baked tidying up and getting stressed out that another birthday has arrived to celebrate wanting everything to be perfect!

The irony is …I’ve cooked the chocolate cake and cupcakes myself!





Memories of Mum



I lost my Mum when I was 31 years old, my daughter was 4 and my son was 8 months old and it still hurts like hell! People say it gets easier but they lie! It doesn’t get easier at all, you just learn to live life differently.

She wasn’t just my Mum, she was my best friend and I loved her with all my heart. Life without your parents is so hard but you really don’t understand how hard until it happens to you. I’m the first to lose Mum in my circle of friends so none of them really understand how hard it is. They can’t really console me so I don’t talk about her.

When Mum was with us, we all used to check on her often as she was very poorly during the last 15 years of her life with a long list of ailments we used to roll our eyes at. But we loved her. She was such a kind and loving lady who would always be there to listen to your problems while secretly needing to talk to someone herself. She loved all her children and stepchildren as well as all the grandchildren. Mum and Dad were both married before so we were a big family. Unfortunately, I don’t see any of dad’s children, my half brothers and sister, nieces and nephews and I guess if I walked passed them in the street they wouldn’t know who I was. In fact, I have. I’ve said hello to two of my nephews on separate occasions and neither of them knew who I was. Just a polite unacknowledged nod. My Mum cared about everyone. She remembered everyone and never left anyone out. To the day she died she saved every penny she had to be able to buy gifts for all the grandchildren, even the ones she never saw but not by her choice.  It upset her not seeing them. Once Dad died the visits almost completely stopped which pained her. Which was why it was so important she got to see her grandchildren regularly, I didn’t want my children to not know who their Nanny was. They saw her twice a week without fail. I made sure of that.

The day I lost my Mum was a Sunday. I got woken up at 5.30am when my sister called to tell me that Mum was in the hospital with a suspected stroke. I got dressed straight away and drove myself to the hospital to see my Mum. My thoughts were she would get better and we would help look after her no matter what it took … She was too young to die at 67 and leave us. She needed to live to hold and love her grandchildren and see them grow up.

When I arrived I was very shocked at seeing her looking so ill. My sister had called an ambulance during the night when she had heard a low, deep grunting noise she thought was Mum’s cat Pepsi but was in fact, Mum. She checked her and knew it was a stroke just by looking at her. She couldn’t move or speak. We don’t know how long she was laying on her bedroom floor for but we think she was trying to get to my sister for help, who was sleeping in the other room. My sister has told me she feels terrible for not getting there sooner and we told her not to worry that she couldn’t do anything more. It was the middle of the night. She was living with Mum due to personal circumstances. We just are thankful that she heard her. We got to say goodbye.

She was very poorly and I could tell that by looking at her. After we took turns to speak to Mum we left her to be transferred to the ward to await a bed on the high dependency ward. Everyone was tired as they had been there all night. I wasn’t called until later in the morning … being the youngest of four children I wasn’t to be worried!

We were all sat next to Mum, around her bed with the curtains pulled round to give us some privacy. This was ironic really as everyone in the beds could hear us talking. We asked for a side room but there wasn’t one available but as soon as there was she would be moved there. We had to prepare ourselves for the worse as the doctors told us she wouldn’t make it. The CAT scan showed she had banged her head which caused a clot to form in her brain in a place that couldn’t be operated on. It was the end for Mum and we should all prepare ourselves.

I was upset as was my sister and brother’s but we sat and waited, just talking amongst ourselves in hushed tones while remembering the things Mum would say. We tried to not face the fact that in the next few days Mum would pass away to go to heaven and join Dad. It was just a matter of time.

My brother and sister had been there since the night before so decided that they should go to the cafe to get something to eat and drink. We went to the cafe and got a coffee and sandwich. I just sat there while we chatted about mundane things like work and the children. That was the moment my world changed! I felt selfish because of it.

My brother’s girlfriend came running into the cafe and said, ‘You need to come quickly, it’s your Mum!’ We all jumped up, abandoned our drinks and food and followed as we all ran up the long corridor to the ward where we left Mum, my brother and wife.

We were taken into a side room, it was all quiet and my brother said, “She’s gone! She was quiet and when I checked her, she wasn’t breathing. I was holding her hand”.

In that moment my world began to spin. I cuddled my brothers and sister. I didn’t cry. I was strong. I wasn’t going to cry in front of people even my siblings. I just don’t cry in front of people. Ever! No matter what the circumstances.

We were led into the ward where they had left Mum in the same position as when we went for a coffee. We all went to her and gave her a kiss and said goodbye. Then we left her there. On her own. I regret that. I wish I had stayed there longer. I didn’t want to leave her on her own. She was always on her own. I only left because everyone else did. When I used to go to visit Mum on a Saturday I would go for hours to spend time with her and once my sister moved in I spent a little less time there as I knew she had company.

I miss you Mum and the day you died was the worst of my life.

There have been many times that I’ve needed you to talk to. I wish you were still here and the thing that pains me the most is you never met or knew my youngest child. That hurts so much.



Choosing My Pen Name



Choosing a pen name is a very personal decision and not one to be taken lightly. It is a name that will impact my writing and will have an effect on the genre I choose to write.

In the first month of blogging here at WordPress, I’ve used a kind of nickname that friends have called me for my love of coffee! I adore coffee, latte, mocha cappuccino but defiantly not the instant crappy coffee from a jar! I just don’t drink it! It too bitter and way over processed!

This name kinda came about as I’m not an all out party girl but I love my friend’s company much more than a few glasses of cheap wine! I’d much rather have a coffee and a chat! Having children kind of takes the ability to go out ‘On the Town’ a little difficult and to be quite frank … I want to spend my spare time with my fiancé and children. I’m not a part time Mum who looks for every spare moment to get away from her children! My children often go to their dad’s but I’m not into looking for a babysitter to pass my baby to so I can go out drinking! Some women are like that and need time away. Me? Not so much! If I had my way I’d much rather home school … but that isn’t going to happen! Don’t get me wrong! I’m not saying every mother should have children hanging off her apron strings once she makes that commitment, everyone should have some ‘Me time’ I’m just not that bothered!

Back to the pen name … Have you ever googled yourself? I have! My name belongs to an author! I was quite shocked as I’ve never heard of the ‘other me’ but when I saw there was someone else writing under my actual name I felt a little bit cheated! My initial thought was I want to be me and not have to hide behind a pen name!  I wanted to keep my name in my professional writer’s capacity as I’m proud of who I am. To realise that I can’t, was a bit upsetting and to be honest a bit of a slap in the face!

So the dilemma was to choose a name I would feel would represent me. I have no idea still what genre I will write within, I’m still experimenting with this which is why I’m here but at the moment my manuscript is leaning toward Mystery or maybe Young Adult. I then decided I wanted something personal so I will use a mix of my daughter’s name and my Mum’s … well, I can’t use mine now, can I!

So here I am being re-born as Madison Ward! ~ AKA Mocha Mad Mum!

Nice to meet you! … Once again!


Writers Quote Wednesday Writing Challenge – Autumn


Wednesday brings us Writers Quote Wednesday sponsored by Colleen Chesebro over at Silver Threading – Fairy Whisperer, Ronovan Hester of Ronovan Writes

Colleen and Ronovan offer an open invitation to join their weekly blogging event called “Writers Quote Wednesday Writing Challenge! #WQWWC

Anyone can participate by choosing a quote by a favourite author you admire write a post relating to this whether it be a poem, photograph, flash fiction or real-life story using the weekly word as your inspiration. Make sure you use your quote wishing the text of your post or in the title! Most of all … Have Fun!

I’ve joined in for the last two weeks and featured both times! Thank you again, Colleen, for featuring me again!  If you would like to read my ‘Comedy’ post from last week you can find it here!

This week’s inspirational word is “Autumn”

Autumn! My favourite season!


“Fall, leaves, fall:; die, flowers, away;

Lengthen night and shorten day;

Every leaf speaks bliss to me

Fluttering from the autumn tree” ~ Emily Brontë

I absolutely have to say that autumn is my favourite season because everywhere looks so pretty and colourful. I love so much about autumn time! Walking in the park and listening to the crisp leaves crunch under foot. Walking in the woods and looking up through the trees to see an array of autumnal colours glinting from the rays of the sun. Seeing our yearly visiting flying friends who we feed with homemade feeders made of peanut butter, nuts and seeds.

img_4460Our garden resident squirrels Bubbles and Squeak who come to collect the peanuts meant for the birds! Cheeky little squirrels who are far too brave when they are the other side of the patio doors!

My children absolutely love autumn. It’s the season which brings many joyful occasions. The first is conker picking! The most fun is had when we throw the sticks haphazardly in the hope a few loose conkers will fall. I love to hear them squeal and laugh as they fight to find up the biggest one of all. They will always try to have a competition of who found the biggest. It’s the fun and laughter that Autumn brings that I love the most with joyful squeals of laughter. My three children struggling to carry their bag of their treasures home without conkers spilt out all over the floor.

Halloween is another fun celebration. My children love the fact they get sweeties which are limited during the year, I’m a mean Mum apparently because they can’t have them every day! Your teeth will thank me later my dears! Carrying their lanterns and goody bags dressed as a ghost, spider and witch! They love knocking on neighbours and friends doors but know only to call on the people we know. They run along the street to find the houses with lit pumpkins on the doorstep inviting us to visit. If they are really lucky they sometimes get a few pennies to spend!

Bonfire night! – The night where it always rains! We go to a local bonfire and fireworks night near our village. The bonfire is piled high with pallets galore with some kind of novelty stacked within. The last two years there were caravans stacked in amongst the wood and topped with a traditional Guy made by the local school. The night we have fun at the fair, eat toffee apples and here we get wrapped up warm with scarves, coats, hats and gloves.

img_0449Family camping trip at Halloween is also another fun event! Everyone meets on a Saturday night for a BBQ in the dark! Pumpkin soup, burgers and hot dogs, toasted halloumi and the salad no-one will eat! A creepy treasure hunt in the dark, following the clues while carrying lanterns made from pumpkins. Everyone walking warily as they wonder when the Mummy will be triggered by our motion that Woohoo’s to scare the kiddies! Playing games and cards in the evening altogether and sitting outside roasting marshmallows in the chilly crisp air as we all sit around the firepit singing songs. And of course, the adults drinking their cider out of Kilner jars!

What do you love about Autumn? Share your thoughts with me!


Time to Pull up Your Positivity Pants!


Today was a hard day!

It seemed like everything was going wrong until I realised I was looking at the day wrongly!

It’s all too easy to just carry on with day to day chores and routines without actually looking at the whole picture. When I know I have several things to do I procrastinate over it and waste so much time. If I actually got on and got things done I would be done quicker to then get to the stuff I actually want to do!

After a day of appointments, I never had time to get some of my writing done for my manuscript. I’ve been putting it off now for nearly 3 weeks because either I don’t have time today, I have a list of things to get done or I have washing and household chores to complete. There is always a list of house jobs waiting and you then get into the mindset that I never have time for me! It always seems like I make time for my partner, children and dog but do I actually make time for me? No! Never!

So today I took action and said I will!

I will get chores done first! I will make time for me!

I’ve booked a time slot to go to the local cafe to work on my manuscript! I won’t have the distractions and I won’t be there to ask when things need doing!


How do you fit time in?

Do you always put off doing what needs to be done?

Tell me your top tips for ‘Getting it Done!”

Daily Prompt – Cake



Cake, what everyone craves for everyday!



It’s her 15th birthday and she asked for a chocolate cake. Covered and decorated with chocolate dipped strawberries! Did she get it? Of course, she did! It was exactly what she asked for!

She wanted a Devil’s Food Cake, All Sticky and gooey!

With chocolate buttercream in the middle and chocolate ganache on top!

She wanted chocolate dipped strawberries on top! Chocolate splattered in a pattern on top!

She loved it!

We all sang Happy Birthday to her!

Oh, wait!! Damn it! I forgot the candles!!


Writer’s Quote Wednesday – Writer’s Challenge – “Comedy”




Wednesday brings us Writers Quote Wednesday sponsored by Colleen Chesebro over at Silver Threading – Fairy Whisperer, Ronovan Hester of Ronovan Writes

Colleen and Ronovan offer an open invitation to join their weekly blogging event called “Writers Quote Wednesday Writing Challenge! #WQWWC

Anyone can participate by choosing a quote by a favourite author you admire write a post relating to this whether it be a poem, photograph, flash fiction or real-life story using the weekly word as your inspiration. Make sure you use your quote wishing the text of your post or in the title! Most of all … Have Fun!

I joined in last week and thoroughly enjoyed it! It was great to be a part of a ‘community’  I was, as you can imagine ecstatic to see Coleen chose my post to be featured along with others from their blogs from the prompt “Strength”. You can read my post here!

This week’s inspirational word is “Comedy”.


Don’t Make Me Laugh!

Comedy is a hilarious concept but my sense of humour is often a mix of dry, silly, childish and sometimes sarcasm! Sorry .. but there you have it!

I love to laugh but it takes a lot for me to crack a smile! Don’t get me wrong! I’m not a miserable sod but I don’t find things funnily easily!

For me, it’s silly humour that gets me! I was away one weekend in the caravan in a field! We were playing a game with my fiancé and his family a few friends. The game was called Articulate. You have to describe the word on the card without saying any part of it! Well it was my 9-year-old son’s turn and with the help of his teenage sister was having his turn:

Son – “Ooh it was on Britain’s Got Talent! … The man dressed up … Ooh!… and was in it! … He was an alien!  ….It’s in Dr Who! A robot in Dr Who! … Oh, Come on! ”

We all looked really puzzled at each other as the clue was nature … I answered the only thing I could think of …

Me – “Dalek?’

Son – He looks at the card and nods… “Yes!”

Daughter – “What the hell! No! It’s Garlic!”

Everyone was in hysterics at my little man’s mistake! Now that had me in absolute stitches! My poor son made me almost pee my pants but that little innocent boy at his expense made me laugh so hard! He did laugh at himself once he realised but oh my! It was that gut aching laughter that hurts your side! you can feel it rise right under your ribs! The more you laugh the more it hurts, you laugh so hard you start to grunt like a pig and it keeps happening more the more you try to stop it! It’s the kind of laughter that a few moments after composing yourself you right there again! Snorting with everyone laughing at you! That memory will stay with us all for years because it was such an innocent mistake but so so funny!

That is my kind of humour! Silly, stupid moments that make you cross your legs so you don’t pee!

Forget the forced comedy on tv shows like ‘Have I Got News for You’ but for me, I love silly immature comedy like ‘Celebrity Juice!’

Walt Disney was right with his quote …

“That’s the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up!”

What makes you laugh? What are you favourite shows on TV you just have to watch? What do you remember that made you laugh so hard you had to run for the loo?

I would love to hear your stories!